Caroline Donoghue, 37 from Eastbourne was entering the most difficult situation imaginable when she began her #walk1000miles journey – and her resilience is an inspiration.
How did you come to be doing #walk1000miles?
I signed up to the challenge on the 2nd January 2017 after finding it by chance. When signing up my partner Jay had been fighting pancreatic cancer for 15 months and had been hospitalised since the 11th December. He had been diagnosed at 41, when we were 30 weeks pregnant with our miracle baby boy – we both had thought we couldn't have children.
He'd put up an amazing fight and had been through major surgery, chemotherapy and radiotherapy, but his health was declining as the cancer spread to his liver. Taking up the challenge at the time was very unrealistic, and so hard for many reasons. I was by Jay's side every day while he was in hospital, but I also had our one-year-old Maxie to look after. There wasn't really any time for the challenge! But I'm at 260 miles now and fitting in all the mileage I can!
How did events unfold?
Jay was then moved to St Wilfrid's hospice on the 16th January. I formed a routine of walking in the mornings before then spending the rest of the day with Jay while family/friends looked after Maxie. At the beginning of February he managed to walk a mile with me around the hospice grounds and it was amazing! He'd been bed-bound for around eight weeks by that point. But he had a good day, so he used it! We held hands and walked slowly – his determination and strength throughout his battle had always amazed and inspired me, but never more than on that day.
Jay passed on the 26th February, and since then I've been walking regularly. But Maxie is now walking and frustrated in a carrier or buggy, so my mileage is suffering, going at 0.02 miles an hour, often in the wrong direction!
How are you feeling?
Losing my Jay has been the hardest thing I've ever done, but I feel close to him when I walk. Under the sadness I’m proud, motivated, determined. Obviously so sad that jay is no longer with me, but Maxie is my reason for living.
I also decided to sign up to do the Eastbourne half marathon and convinced 36 friends to do it with me as a #bemorejay team to walk/run/crawl the distance and raise money as a team for the hospice.
How does walking affect the other parts of your life?
My walks felt selfish initially – surely I should have been by Jay's side all day... but before long I realised I need it. I needed the break, the time to breathe, clear my head, relax and feel normal. All while taking in the scenery, walking the dog, carrying and cuddling Maxie, and being healthy. These daily walks really did set me up for the day, release the much needed happy hormones – helping me be ready and be strong for Jay and for the day ahead. But the walking allows us to bond – for us to see beautiful sights and discover interesting things, which I believe add to Maxie's happiness and strengthens our relationship.
How does it feel to know people find you so inspiring?
Just amazing! What a compliment! It's very surprising as I just view myself as someone who is getting through a situation/circumstances they've been dealt - just getting through each day as anyone else would. I think anyone would do the same. But knowing that I'm inspiring others motivates me to just keep going, just keep breathing, getting through each day and finding happiness as I go.
In what ways do you find the #walk1000miles community helpful or pleasing?
I love the group! I love sharing photos/videos/progress and receiving the amazing support the group offers. I talk about the group as my ‘walking family’ and it really does feel that way. They're always so encouraging and supportive and there at any time of day! Every time I post and get comments and likes it motivates me for the next walk. I also love seeing others posts – love seeing the stunning sights, hearing the inspirational stories, and amazing progress whether it be my a 20 mile a day walker or 1 mile a day – it's all achievements I love to see and support.
What comes next?
I'm looking forward to more walks and more miles; to seeing my little boy grow and be able to walk with me; to getting healthier in body and mind, and building in strength to cope with life. I'm looking forward to the grieving begin to ease. I'll need motivation at times, on my low days where the grief and life has taken over, to get up and out, but I'm lucky to have a fab support network. I'll need help with Maxie care sometimes so that I can get some longer miles in if I'm to complete the challenge.
What message would you like to send to other challengers who may identify with your situation in some way?
For anyone caring for or coping with a loved one’s illness I'd say, still try to walk. Try to fit the miles in wherever and whenever you can. Don't feel guilty – you need the "me" time in order to cope and look after yourself first. If you don't care for you you can't care for others.For anyone suffering from depression or anxiety, please use walking as part of your treatment. As hard as it is to get up and out some days, you really will feel better afterwards I promise.
And for the parents with young babies and children, walk as and when you can. Teach your little ones about the beautiful world we live in. Also invest in the right carrier or buggy, and always carry snacks!
