Walking 1000 miles is a double-edged sword: every mile increases your health and happiness – but also the chances of an awesome cringe.
One of walking’s many lessons is that life is better when you realise you can take it a bit less seriously than it insists. And how do we learn this lesson? From the perspective and jolliness walking brings sure, but also because we just keep doing the most ridiculous things…
Table for none
‘I walked into someone's private house front room and sat down, thinking it was a tea shop. The lady emerged from a back room and asked, "Can I help you?" very calmly. I explained, apologised profusely (twice) and scuttled out quickly. No police were called.’ – Keith Spicer
Dung, dung dung dung
‘My dog rolled around in a cow pat just before we arrived at the pub where we’d booked a table. Wiped her down with a towel and drinking water, but every now and again we got a waft of odeur bouse de vache alongside the lovely Sunday lunch! The other diners were not as happy as my dog was’ – Sarah Staines
Wee bit of bother
‘Having a wild wee, well concealed on all sides by bushes, but open to a glorious clear sky… when a low flying helicopter passed directly overhead.’ – Jennie McGinlay
Quick as a flash
‘Walking through New Forest and getting hot I took off a layer, accidentally pulling the whole lot off leaving me topless. Instantly a dog arrived being chased by a man.’ – Mavis Tingay
Sitting duck
‘Out with a walk with a group of people I didn't know, I hung back for a comfort break. While I was enjoying the relief and a moment with nature a male labrador sniffed me out, raised his leg and peed on me. I panicked, stood up quickly baring my all to the oncoming group. They were a lot closer than I had expected!’ – Lynsey Gallant
Flo-jo of the fells
‘Slipped while descending a wet grassy slope and ripped my trousers from ankle to crotch. This was at the start of the day in Edale and I walked the whole day to Crowden along the Pennine Way with one bare leg’ – Iain Munn
Splat!
‘I fell over in thick clay mud by the canal after a night of heavy rain. This was about an hour after also getting stuck on a fence.’ – Tracy Beneke
Pinned by wind
‘Walking on cliffs on a very windy day a gust propelled me towards a barbed wire fence. The wind was so strong I remained spread-eagled and entangled until two kind walkers peeled me off!’ – Jan Mayne
Don’t mind me!
‘Passing a naked man while I was walking on my own in the Brecon Beacons I ducked down in a ditch so he didn't see me. I had to take a sneaky pic to prove to people what actually happened!’ – Paula Rhodes
Starkers, scarpers
‘I was almost at the top of a hill on an early morning walk when I glimpsed a naked guy at the top. He hadn't seen me, so I stopped for a second and contemplated what to do. I decided he didn't own the hilltop just because he was nude, so carried on walking noisily so he knew I was approaching. He called out "You might not want to come up here" and I replied "Why not?". He said "Because I'm naked" and I said "Oh I don't mind!". He ran away at the absolute speed of light!’ – Alice Marshwood
I’ll show you!
‘Overtaking a group of walkers who were contemplating how to cross a stream, I jumped confidently over with no problem – only to slip on the opposite side and fall backwards into the water.’ – David Walter
That new boot feeling
‘I had new walking boots and was talking to a friend when the laces of one boot tangled into the hooks of the other – I knew I was going down but couldn’t stop myself face-planting right in front of a family coming towards me! I had to lie there in a hysterical heap. And it hurt!’ – Susie Queue
Here I stop
‘Got completely stuck in sinking mud!’ – Louise Sahid
Gobble gobble!
‘Being chased up a road in Yorkshire by an angry Turkey – the locals were in hysterics.’ – Lynne Milne
Pleased to meet you
‘Pressing the button to exit the train at Horton in Ribblesdale for the Yorkshire 3 Peaks I instead opened the adjacent toilet door while a lady was on her comfort break. Oh deary deary me!‘ – Andy Askin
Wee shall overcome
‘Taking a wild wee, my centre of gravity being a bit off, and when I stood up and fell straight over with my pants around my ankles, face first into the biggest pile of cow s**t I’ve ever seen. My friend was laughing so much she peed herself.’ – Maria Barteczko
Ta-da!
‘One day I thought the grass looked so nice I decided I’d try and do a cartwheel. Of course there was an audience and instead of landing on my feet, yep I landed on my butt. Three weeks off work and I could not sit or lay. I was so embarrassed telling my boss I couldn't work because I went on a walk and tried to show off!’ – Karen Adamson
