North Wales-based #walk1000miler Debbie Ellson finds escaping to the countryside to build her miles helps her cope with the trauma of losing her daughter.
”On returning from a family holiday, our 15-year-old daughter, Robyn, became unwell and was diagnosed with a rare form of leukaemia.
The doctors were uncertain whether Robyn would survive and she needed to be taken to Alder Hey Children’s Hospital in Liverpool, as she had two bleeds around her brain.
Robyn was not going to be beaten. She was taken down to theatre, and surgery to stem the bleeds was successful, but she remained in intensive care for three weeks to receive her first course of chemotherapy.
The staff encouraged my husband Garry and l to take time out and go for walks around the hospital grounds. These little walks gave us time out to process what was ahead for Robyn and for us as a family.
Robyn was very poorly but did go into remission after her first course of chemo and we were able to spend short periods of time at home. Walking the dog around the village was such a luxury. We appreciated how such a simple thing made such a big difference to our mental and physical wellbeing.
Unfortunately, on 19th Jan 2013, Robyn passed away.
After Robyn’s death, Garry and l found solace in walking. We began to explore the likes of Offa’s Dyke, the Clwydian Range and Snowdonia. Initially, hiking gave us the ability to escape from the label of ‘the parents who lost their daughter’. Walking enabled us to be husband and wife – time together with no visitors calling at the house with saddened hearts. Walking through nature protected us from the isolation of grief. It gave us a purpose to get up in the mornings.
Throughout this time we continued to organise challenges/fundraisers. The first was a Tough Mudder, raising £3000 for Robyn’s drama department at school. The following year we trained for the National Three Peaks Challenge. The most beautiful memory was stopping on our final hike up Snowdon to watch the sunrise. That stunning sight will remain with me until the day l die, and to me it represented a new beginning. I love that mountain with all of my heart – it gives me so much and doesn’t want anything in return.
Three years after Robyn passed away I was diagnosed with PTSD, delayed grief anxiety and depression. What l thought was grief was entangled with the trauma of witnessing the death of our daughter. The only peace was disappearing into the mountains, exploring the most wonderful, challenging sights. If I’d not kept walking through the darkest times I would not have gained such a wonderful friend called hiking.
Late last year I went into a crisis, which could have risked my life. I spent six weeks in an acute mental health hospital, but I was not going to stop walking – I would put my trainers on and head into the hospital grounds, walking round and round the garden with my earphones in. I was discharged on 22nd January this year and I passed 10,000 steps in March. I’m so happy with my achievement – one step, one day at a time. I love being part of the #walk1000miles family. It’s so wonderful to be part of a community who embrace you, warts and all. You’re never alone.”
